Aim : to examine the unwritten rules which influence our thoughts
feelings and behaviour
Time : 20 - 30 minutes
Materials :
Large sheets of paper
Marker pens
Introduction:
The values and attitudes we hold come from a variety of sources and are
reinforced in many different ways. They have a powerful influence on our
thoughts, feelings and behaviour, as well as on our relationships.
In our society there is a code of written laws and guidelines to safeguard
each citizen and there are unwritten rules we carry in our heads.
Many of the unwritten rules tell us that we should, ought or must behave
in certain ways. Not all of them are positive or helpful. Some of them
can be contradictory, or do not seem to fit with our experience.
Activity : Gallery Walk or Graffiti Wall Fix large sheets of paper to a wall. Each sheet has a different heading:
children; boys; girls; teenagers; young men; young women; adults; men;
women; people with different abilities; any heading relevant to the group.
Ask the participants to walk around and write on the walls of paper what
is expected of each category. What kind of unwritten rules are each group
expected to obey? Encourage them to write what they really think, what
they have heard or experienced.
At the end of the exercise, everyone has the opportunity to read what
has been written.
Have extra sheets posted with the following questions or discuss them
within the group:
Where do these rules come from? (families, society, church, school,
peers)
From whom do we learn these rules? (peers, parents, public figures,
heroes)
What happens if we don't follow these rules, or step outside the norm?
(punished, isolated, labelled, called names)
What are some of the labels given to people who do not follow these
rules? (crazy, not real, loser, odd ball)
How might it feel to be given one of these labels? (miserable, stupid,
bad, sad, angry, damage your self esteem)
Could these feelings be called safe feelings?
Do they help us to feel positive about ourselves? (labels may be linked
to racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia, discrimination on the basis of
ability, chosen lifestyle, or religion)
How many of these unwritten rules are unrealistic or contradictory?
Optional follow up discussion:
Why do we have rules?
How do rules come about?
What are some of the rules that have changed over time reflecting
the changing values and attitudes of society? (child labour, sick pay,
working conditions, alcohol, drugs, se, suicide)
Epilogue: Often we can recognise unwritten rules by listening for the words
should, ought and must in the things that are said. If we hear ourselves
or other people using them, we can ask ourselves whether it is an unwritten
rule which helps or hinders us in feeling safe. By recognising the unwritten
rules in society we can begin to develop an understanding of our values,
where they come from and identify possible changes in them we may want
to make.
Possible adaptations or applications to the Church context:
What are the unwritten rules in church?
Do they help or hinder your faith?
Look at what Jesus had to say about written and unwritten rules.
The fulfilment of the Law Mt 5. 17-20
Picking and eating corn on the Sabbath Mt 12. 1-8
Mk 2. 23-28
Lu 6.1-5
Healing on the Sabbath Mt 12. 9-14
Mk 3. 1-6
Lu 6. 6-11
Clean and unclean Mt 15. 1-11
Mk 7. 1-23
What do such stories suggest to you about Jesus' attitude to rules?
Can you think of occasions when Jesus broke the rules?
(healing the lepers, speaking to a Samaritan woman)
What was the result?
Paul talks a lot about law and grace in his letters to the churches. Here
are just two ideas for discussion but no doubt there are a lot more.
At one point in the letter to the Romans he writes, "Do not be conformed
to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that
you may discern what is the will of God - what is good and acceptable
and perfect. (Ro 12.2)
What might this say to us when we come across unwritten rules that
run contrary to our faith?
For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore and do not
submit again to a yoke of slavery. " (Gal 5.1)
