PB+ Resources
STRATEGY 7: THE LANGUAGE OF SAFETY
Aim : to recognise the value of positive communication as an aid
to feeling safe
Time : 20 - 30 minutes
Materials :
- Diagram of the four elements of The Language of Safety
- Story script or copies of the diagram for the communication exercise
Introduction:
The Language of Safety is the glue that holds the Protective Behaviours
process together. It means looking at the language that we use to see
if it is consistent with the aims of Protective Behaviours.
This diagram shows the four elements of the language of safety that we
can use to ensure that what we say matches what we are trying to do when
we practise Protective Behaviours.
1. Quality of Language
If the language we use is racist, sexist, homophobic, abusive then we
are not respecting the right of other people to feel safe. Similarly if
we use language that tells people what to do, think or feel (command mode),
or if we put others down, we are not encouraging others to feel safe.
If we use victim language when talking about ourselves, (s/he made me
do it) we are not operating from a place of safety.
2. Shared Meaning
Here, we check out that we all understand what is being said. It may be
that a particular word has a different meaning for different people. Sometimes
people slip into jargon and that can be difficult and leave people feeling
uncomfortable or uncertain rather than at ease and safe in the group.
3. Clarity
Being clear about what I am saying and making sure that my body language
and other presentation issues are consistent are important. As a general
rule, people cannot read our minds. Our communication needs to be both
simple and direct if it is to be effective.
4. Ownership
Sometimes we can assume that other people think and feel the same way
as us without first checking things out to see if it's actually true.
It can be heard in the statement "Everyone wants to …"
when in actual fact the person means "I want to..." Another
example would be "You make me feel…" when the person really
means "I feel … when you do …" It is better to own
the language each of us uses and make the statements personal rather than
general.
Activity : What is this?
Once there were six people who were totally blind. All of them were very
clever and each one of them was eager to learn more.
One day a child ran up to them saying, "There's something new in
town! Come and see! Come and see!"
What can it be?" they asked themselves and hastily they followed
the child who led them to the market place.
The first person was in such a hurry that he blundered straight into its
huge solid side. At once he shouted, "Why, this thing is like a wall."
No it's not said another in the group. She had found something long and
smooth and sharp. "Quite clearly, this thing is a spear!"
Nonsense said a third person who had felt something long and squirming
and declared, "It's like a snake."
In turn each of the others felt this something and decided "It's
like a tree…It must be like a fan… It must be like a rope."
And so they began to argue. On and on they argued. They argued all day
and they argued all night. Each was convinced that they were right and
all the others were wrong.
- I wonder what it was that the child actually saw? (an elephant)
- What can this story teach us about the Language of Safety?
Alternative activity: Communication exercise
Ask the participants to move into pairs sitting back to back. Pass
out the diagrams to one person in the pair.
Using only words, no gestures or signals, the person with the diagram
will need to describe it to their partner.
The partner draws what is described without asking any questions.
Discuss the following:
- What did this exercise feel like to each person?
- What helps the communication process?
- What can hinder it?
- What might we remember when trying to communicate to other people?
- Which strategies might we use if two-way communication is being blocked?
Epilogue:
Sometimes there are people who seem to talk but rarely listen to others.
Being an effective communicator means both talking and listening, checking
out that the other person or people understand what it is that we are
trying to communicate.
Possible adaptations or applications to the Church context:
Look at the different methods of communication used in church
- Which feel the safest or the most effective and why?
Look at our prayers and the language we use when communicating with God
- How does it fit with the Language of Safety model?
- How does it feel when God communicates with us?
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